DD is just over 3 and she has been pushing and hiting and pinching, yesterday she bit another child.
she is old enough and understands it isnt' nice to be pushed back ect.
We have spoken to her about using her words instead of hitting ect. I have noticed that she hits when she uses her words and the kids snap back or won't do what she wants.
Wondering how we can help her understand that even if they push or yell or scream she needs to keep her calm and use her words all the time?
This is a tough one because she is doing as she was asked (using her words) and in her mind it didn't work so she had to try something else. Role modeling is a useful tool in this type of situation. Maybe have mom and dad act out a scene similar to what she experienced and show her how to handle it. Sometimes lots of adult words (even when we try to be on their level) get lost on a kid who's upset and just wanted what they wanted, not a lot of talk. Maybe make it more interesting for her by over acting. Have dad throw a huge temper tantrum to get a giggle out of her and you can model how she could handle herself next time to get what she wants.
Usually we talk to her after everything has happened too.
I wonder if she jsut gets too bored and she acts out for something to do
It's entirely possible. Transition times are the worst for our preschool group. They get bored and then the trouble starts. Now that we've altered the bathroom routine and added books for the kids who are waiting, things are getting better.
I think doing role play is a good idea. It is important that you continue talking to her everytime something happen. Is she doing this at a daycare? if so, what are the staff doing when she does. What is the consequences for her actions? re they consitent? That is also very important.
I second Kappi - mention it to her sitter/daycare staff. Make sure they know that in your books it's not ok, and she needs a time out/to be spoken to/whatever you use EVERY time. Though that's tough sometimes, and it seems SO repititious, consistency is key. Keep up the consistency at home too and she'll learn As she gets older too she'll see that you don't hit daddy when he doesn't listen, and so on. But as Andrea said, for her it's just frustrating to the nth degree because she's doing what SHE'S supposed to do, and the other child isn't.